so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
