"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
