She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
