i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
