and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
