It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
