I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
