I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
