My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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