I think my vagina is haunted
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
