I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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