Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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