My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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