feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
