it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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