Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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