You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
