guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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