watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
