i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
