you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
