I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
