I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
