is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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