so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
