oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
