That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
