we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
