I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
