Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
