he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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