the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
