After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
