So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
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Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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