No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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