I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Boobs speak an international language.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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