the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
