I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
