my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
