i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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