I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
