i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
