I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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