Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
