lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
