I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
