There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
