Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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