You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
