Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
