have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
