literally had 100 drinks last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
