she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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