You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
