bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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