I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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