thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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