NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
