I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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