don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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