Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
