youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
