Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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