Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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