coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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