I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
