There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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