I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
