im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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