I'm so fucking centered right now
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
