I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
