I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
