i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize